Active Listening Barriers

1). Think of a recent situation in which you found listening difficult. Which one (or more) of the four phases presented the most difficulty for you? Why? How could this have been overcome?

I happened to read chapter seven, on Listening and Feedback, at a time where information on these two subjects really needed to take place in my life. I recently got into an argument with my partner, and one of the things I realized after arguing with her is that, we spend lots of time talking to and at each other and not enough time listening to each other. When reviewing the chapter, I thought of all the listening barriers that occurred during our minor dispute. The more heated the argument got, the more out of control our communication became. I found that I was no longer listening to what she had to say because of a few barriers of active listening. This first barrier that distracted me from being an active listener was; Arrogance and Disrespect. Arrogance and disrespect was the fourth barrier mentioned in the text. This relates to our emotional response behaviors that show arrogance and disrespect (Harris, Sherblom, 120). This barrier describes a person who is arrogant or disrespectful. I agree that many people don’t like to listen to people who think they know it all, or who is just plain arrogant or disrespectful. My partner is younger than me but we have been together for almost four years. She is only 23 and she swears she knows everything. She hates to admit when she is wrong, so we often spend time disputing who is right or wrong, even when she knows she is wrong. When people are upset they began to just say things even when they know they are not true. Our argument had got to the point where she believed she was right and wasn’t going to admit she was wrong, so she had an arrogant attitude and was disrespectful in her demeanor. Therefore, it causes me to become defensive and the arrogant and disrespectful barrier was put up. I know longer wanted to hear what she had to say.

 In the same situation another barrier that made listening to her difficult was the Preprogrammed Emotional Responses barrier. This was the fifth barrier listed in the text.  Preprogrammed Emotional Responses, “occur when a group member touches on an issue to which we have a strong emotional reaction (Harris, Sherblom, 120).” I am so in love with my girlfriend and we have been through a lot, however, whenever we argue my emotions run high. We are six years different in age, and often disagree on many things, but there are some topics that we just don’t touch because we know it is a sensitive topic for each other. When a person hurts you or reminds you of a touchy subject, it makes a person withdraw from that person or that group. In my situation when my partner and I argue sometimes hurtful things are said to each other. I found that my emotions are so high, so when she mentions certain things, it automatically makes me zone out or not want to listen to her. I found that your emotions can affect your listening ability.

In chapter seven, I feel that these two active listening barriers were the most difficult for me to overcome. I am a very emotional person and respond to people’s attitudes and actions more than they words. Many times I let my emotions get in my way from being an active listener. I feel that I need to be able to overcome these barriers so be a more effective listener. I have been in another situation where a past assistant manager and I had a dispute. I had hard feelings for this person and had to work along with her. When she addressed me or gave me direction, I found it difficult to set my emotions aside. I would find it difficult to listen to her and take direction from her because my emotions were so involved. This was not only unprofessional; it showed that I let these active listening barriers get in the way.

I could have overcome these barriers in both situations by communicating my feelings more effectively without getting emotional. I can also do more listening and less talking. I cannot get defensive when people address me. I can be more open to expressing my understanding. Expressing Understanding allows others to assess more accurately how well the speakers feelings have been perceived and understood, and this may permit the speaker to view her or his own feelings more accurately, as well (Harris, Sherblom, 122). I found this also to be a great suggestion on how to overcome these emotional; active listening barriers.